I decided it would be fun to blog random ‘Convos with Cait’ from time to time. It will be a great, fun, easy way to chat about different topics with you guys and get to know some of you who read my blog. I would absolutely love to cover things that you’re interested in, things you want to know, and just share glimpses of my heart with you. One of my favorite things to do with friends is to grab a cup of coffee at a cute local coffee shop and just chat about life- I want these to feel the exact same. Just friends coming together to chat about life! So please leave comments below, email me any ideas, questions, etc. that you might have!
Instagram has been the platform I use to express the different thoughts and struggles that I have been working through, as well as sharing my heart and life with the world. I am always blown away by how many of you message me saying how much you needed the encouragement. I especially love those of you who have shared your stories with me, your struggles, and what you’re going through. I have a deep passion for people, their stories, and the journey God has them on- so I love that so many of you have invited me to be a part of that journey.
Honestly, all those messages challenged me in a way to be a little more vulnerable when sharing about my journey through depression over the past year, my ended engagement, and all the bumps that we hit on this road called Life. Of course, I will always choose to keep parts of my life private because so much of our lives are public. But today, I wanted to open up with your guys…so here we are.
My faith is incredible important to me!!! I accepted Christ in my teenage years and started attending a Christian school in New York. I then went to graduate from Liberty University. I am currently actively involved in my church here in Virginia and actually get the honor of leading the Coffee Team. Coffee and Jesus are two of my favorite things…so it seems fitting. Anyway, I could share so much about my personal life, my walk with the Lord, and more…but that’s all a story for another day.
Throughout 2019, I have been really purposeful in starting my day with the Lord. Full transparency, I am not perfect by any means. More often than I would like to admit, my mornings involve me rolling out of bed, getting as presentable as possible, and getting to the office. And even with the best intentions, my days get going before I have had time to sit down in the Word. However, when I do take the time to invite Him into my day and spend time soaking up His Word, I notice an incredible difference in my day. I am able to stay more focused throughout the day, my attitude is better towards others, how I respond to stress or react to staff displays more patience, and so much more. How you start your day is so important. I read a quote the other day that said, “your day is pretty much formed by how you spend your first hour. Check your thoughts, attitude, and heart”.
It was really heavy on my heart this year to be intentional about how I spend my mornings. To refresh myself after the day before and whatever stresses, worries, decisions, or situations that happened. And then set my intention for the day ahead. I have seen how important it is to align my thinking with Christ; His thoughts, His attitude, and His heart.
We all have our own struggles, our own personal life situations, strongholds, etc. Two of mine are fear + discouragement. Over the past year, I have been working to break out of it. Trust me, it’s a struggle. I was fearful of what people thought of me, fear of missing out (since I am in my thirties and single), fear of the future, etc. I felt discouraged that my life was not playing out the way I envisioned, that I had lost friendships and people that I love, and that list could go on and on. But, by refreshing myself with the Lord each morning, I am reminded of His promises to me and for me. I am learning to outwardly and audibly claim who God says that I am and what He has spoken over me. He loves me with no conditions (which is definitely hard for my mind to wrap around), and He accepts me just as I am. I am learning to constantly maintain an upward mindset, one that is full of joy, purpose, abundance, and blessing. It has been so refreshing to see the world, my life, and even myself this way. It can be hard not to internalize the negative. Without realizing it, I was internalizing the negativity of the world and those around me that I spent years coasting through life unhappy, which sadly lead to me being diagnosed with severe depression. At the beginning of April this year I decided it was time to fight back. I had gotten to a point where I didn’t want to sit down and spend time in the Word. I didn’t want to read, write, and journal ( and I’m a huge journaler). You know why? Because I knew that if I did, it would require me to face the fear + discouragement that I was feeling, head on. And sometimes, that’s really hard to do. It takes a lot of courage to look it right in the eye and say no.
I started counseling, I placed people around me who encouraged me + spoke truth into my life, who supported me + reminded me of the promises that God has spoken over me. I chose to get up and get out of my own way, and not allow myself to be bogged down with fear + discouragement- which are just lies and insecurities that are placed in our head by other people or Satan himself.
I learned that who you place around you is so important. Let me repeat that, because I really want it to sink in- who you place around you is so important! You have the ability to choose who speaks into and over your life, who influences it, and what kind of mindset is being portrayed. Soo choose carefully. Because if you allow fear, discouragement, insecurity, resentment, bitterness, anger, the list goes on and on.. to be spoken into you + over you, that will become your mindset. We should definitely be running from that.
I honestly cannot even believe that I am writing this- I actually had no idea where the direction of this post would even go when I sat down and started typing. You can even ask my roommate. She asked me what I was going to blog about, and I told her I had no idea. But here we are. I don’t get too vulnerable out on the web here usually, but I think that being real + vulnerable is a huge part of realizing where you struggle.
This is a super condensed down version of where my walk has been the last six months, but I hope that even just a glimpse is an encouragement for some of you. That even behind pretty Instagram phots, helpful blog posts, and all of that, there’s a real girl with real struggles, just like whoever might be reading this on the other side of the screen.
My morning’s are not perfect, I am still working on making my quire time one of the first things I do. Some days I win, and some days I don’t. And that is perfectly okay! It’s part of the struggle, growth, and process. But my heart and intentions are right and aligned where they need to be. I believe that God sees that and is honoring it.
Now, I am going to be a little bold and just ask- what are you struggling with? Is it fear and discouragement too? Maybe it’s something else…feel free to share below if you want. So many of you have already opened up + shared on Instagram the past few months…real, tough life things. Struggles. Family issues. Divorces. Work related things. Like I said before, I am so blown away by all of you who are openly sharing with me. Many of you who I have never had the honor of meeting. I cannot tell you how much it has impacted me + encouraged me that you guys are stepping out and sharing your story. I appreciate each and every one of you, your stories, your struggles, and how you’ve opened up to me!
Next time, I will share more about the devotions that I’m doing each morning + what my morning routine looks like! Just a heads up, it does involve lots of coffee.